Robyn's journal
11-08-2018 randomly talking about some girl again. shes like really tall and skinny i mean shes all... lanky you know but what really makes me.... are... 3 things 1 her eyes so fucking blue. like, almost gray. very clean. they really arent THAT noticeable normally, only when she gets introspective or mad. or sad. it's as if these things could activate them you know. she looks like a clown but when her eyes get big i get a little bit scared. and it makes me horny. 2 her smile i usually hate when people smile cause i dont like that good morning crap. i like serious people who express in their faces the major horror of existence. but i cant keep thinking like that when she smiles the way she smiles. cause its like, so honest? you can literally see the amount of happiness particles that she has inside her body expanding to the whole fucking universe. she gets incredibly beautiful when she smiles, and the worst is: she smiles a lot. all the damn time. god i hate people with so much serotonin. 3 her... posture? energy? i dont know pretty much DYKE energy but not that usual dyke energy when those girls look at you like "hey, im lesbian. did i say that im a lesbian? yeah. i am. i am... a lesbian. and i know i can get you to make out with me". well maybe she can, indeed, because it is basically what happens to half of the female students. but she is kinda lowkey about it? its more like... she has these androgynous looks right and traits like sometimes i get lost in the way she moves her hands or her mouth cause its always so fucking UGH. it CAN'T be all planned out. its like almost clumsy, a lot aloof and. like. GOOFY. but make it sexy. first time i saw her... she was at the school's music room or whatever its name. the doors were strangely open, cause some dumb dude had just left without closing it. she wasn't aware of that bc she was totally immersed in that violin she was playing. she had her hair shorter than now, dressed in skate boy baggy clothes and playing the violin so erected like one of those fancy opera musicians. a complete contradiction. and yet i couldnt help but keep watching and then she finished, noticed me and got a little embarrassed. but the next second she was being sympathetic like always and smiling at me. i left, a little bit frustrated. ... yeah but this is NOT enough to keep this bitch interested for 5 months. fuck no. thing is. she seems to be a simple person, easy to get along. and yes, she is. mostly. but the more i try to get closer and really know her, the more she makes it impossible. i dont even know if she notices. and this is just where this hoe here falls on her face. i am not going to discuss it. i dont wanna look like a clingy stupid girl. don't wanna be another one on her heartbreaker list. like when we were practicing spanish. i asked. como describirías tu personalidad? she raised her brows like oh no do i have to think about myself too. and i looked back like. yes you do? and then she laughed and answered: "dura de pelar". fuck it. i wish it was just her being unfunnily. well, fuck you, too. i am the one who plays hard to get here. ! >:( ):